Happiness

I was out shopping the other day, and this top caught my eye. The message was somewhat direct. It's rather depressing, but considering all the things that's been happening lately, I cannot deny that it is quite true.

Was the happiness that I experienced last couple of months just all kisses and lies?



I'm beginning to not know how to differentiate what's real and what's not anymore. I don't know what would make me happy. I've finally made a decision hoping that I would stick to it. A decision that I really didn't want to make earlier because I thought things would get better. Indeed, it did get better, and that's when it got worse. Maybe it's not worth trying so hard anymore because no matter how much I try to be happy, I'll end up being disappointed and hurt. I am hurt still, sometimes it just feels like salt is rubbed into the wound even more. So why bother. I will be hurt either ways. I really want to just admit defeat so everything would leave me alone. All the thoughts and all that memories, if only I can forget them. I kept saying I don't want to lose my happy memories, but it is those that are hurting me most. I'm still okay. I'm happy with all other aspects of my life. It is true, that those thoughts are haunting me in my idle mind. I still can't get rid of them. I really wonder when will I seriously stop thinking, hoping, wishing about you.

It's New Year's Eve tomorrow. A year ago, we were happy.