Remaining

The fairy tale that happened once upon two years ago,
has finally ended.
After so much that they have been through,
after so much they had learned about each other,
after so much times they had spent together,
and they live separately happily ever after.

---

It will definitely not be an easy thing to do.
There is a lot of things I need to get used to.
To wake up in silence.
I'd actually imagine that my phone rang,
but it didn't. It was just a dream.

But it did later.
Why?

It is a new day, a new day for hope, a new day for faith.
That's what I tell myself each morning I wake up.
May be I should really remind myself,
it is time.

There is a lot of things I need to get used to.
To face the first weekend without.
I used to really look forward to weekends.
But there is nothing I can look for anymore.

There is a lot of things I need to get used to.
To not have any more thoughts like how I used to in the past.
Thoughts that made me cared so much for you.
I can not afford to have them anymore. Because it still hurts.

There is a lot of things I need to get used to.
No more yummy mummy's baking and cooking.
No more going over for dinners and doing chores.
No more thinking about what we can do next.

There is a lot of things I need to get used to.
No more photographs to remind me.
No more volleyball pose of the wooden human figure
No more sound from the bells on my key chain and my wallet.
No more of everything.

It is indeed really hard.

Sometimes I do wonder,
how much did I impact you?
Did I even change you for a bit?
I wonder how important was I,
maybe wasn't important enough to realise what you did was wrong before,
until the consequences was too late.
I really want to know if this had affected you as much it had affected me.
I really want to know if you have really learned from this, and be responsible for your actions.
I really want to know if you will grow from this, and be a better person,
to communicate, to be honest, to be able to protect what is important to you.
I really want to know if I was ever important to you during those times.

But I need to remind myself,
it was not my time.
It never belonged to me.

I need to get used to the new way of life now.
A life that I was used to for two years has gone.
Nothing will replace that.

I need to learn the meaning of being friends, considering, we never did go through being friends.
I do wonder, it will be even more difficult to let go.

Thank you for making the two years so significant. You said you wanted it to be special for me. You said you wanted to get me something that will remind me of the wonderful two years that we spent together. And this, has really been the most significant gift that I have received from you. Even though it is full of tears and pain, I want to be able to look at it, and say thank you.

We will never know what the future would bring us.
Whether it will make us both stronger people, closer together, or let the distance do its part. We will never know. I guess for now, we can only take baby steps after the fall. The biggest step that I have to take, is to get used to life now.

Have a good day today.
Have a good weekend.