Evening

Thanks for everyone's concern. I've been getting heaps of people asking if I'm okay, telling me I should just stop troubling myself like that. Thank you for all your advices, telling me to stay strong, and be tough. Thanks for reminding me that he doesn't deserve me, (or anyone for that matter), and that I will find better people who isn't as selfish as he is. I really do appreciate each and everyone's generous honest concerns. And no, I will not get drunk and get myself into another relationship like what some people would do. I will get very much better on my own without having to succumb to such foolishness.

Indeed, I have been in this situation for far too long. Three months soon. I am moving forward, just at a slower pace. I won't say I'm okay, but I am dealing very much well in other aspects. I am moving on with my life. I am still trying to do things to make myself okay again. There is still so many unanswered questions. So many things that I do want to find out. I was told that knowing the truth hurts, but that's part of life. So since I'm so numb already, I just don't really care what's worse anymore.

Anyways, I have been occupying myself quite a bit the past few weeks. I have been up to lots of things which I didn't write about here. The things that I write here is literally from my thoughts to my fingers. It may seem like I am really weak and emotional, well maybe I am. But hey, no one's perfect. At least I don't do foolish things.

There is so many things for me to look forward to soon. So many things waiting for me to do. I'm really excited. I can't wait to get back on with my own life again. Control my own life, and not be so stoopid again. I am very excited to meet new people, new opportunities, new adventures and new feelings.

The past two months in Malaysia, has been "I-don't-even-know-what-to-call-it". It isn't quite a break from the everything. I was still haunted in December. But I had to keep testing the water, since I wasn't fully drowned back in November. Then again, the water was hot. I burned myself over and over again in January. Some people never learn playing with fire =P. Oh wells, it'll be February soon. It will be a new start for me. Really can't wait for it.

Going through the past two months trying to regain control of my life had made me learn so much about myself too. I suppose I'm the kind of person who will try and error. Will see what's going to happen if I did something either to make it better or worse. There's so many times now that I say I will be okay, and then next day or so later, something depressing is written, and then I'm okay again. I guess I just had to keep doing something to see what would work to myself and everybody a happier and better person. Not too sure if it's a good thing or not, but hey, I guess everyone handles themselves differently.

I think I did something extreme to end it the other day. It was indeed an ultimate end to everything. No turning back. No matter how much glue is used, something broken will always be broken.

Oh wells, gotta get ready for dinner soon. It's been a long day out.

~o~