Finally.

Here I am, typing again. Not feeling well since this morning. It feels like my health is deteriorating, in every aspect. Mental, physical, emotional and spiritual. That's what I've learned from the past, all of these which contributes to health. I'm waiting for this phase to be over so I can be healthy again.

I've calmed down since this afternoon. Was rather painful this morning considering what I've found out. I really do just find out things, not that I'm nosy or anything, but to know about things, to realise where on the map I am. At least now, I know better to stay away totally.

I'm not so much angry or upset about the past anymore. I don't really care whatever happened or whatever that was said last couple of months, because the present is more important now. People change, people move on. When someone finds another person to talk to, someone else to console, of course it'll make things easier for the person to move on, and get over it. Especially, when someone else is always "there" for the person, all that new funny emotions when they find someone new attractive.

I wonder if people have boundaries. A fine line that they will not cross, because if we don't keep to our boundaries, who knows what might happen, because someone else would have to bear the consequences of the person's selfishness.

I'm beginning to wonder about the things that happened everytime when people come back to Malaysia. Couple of years ago, something similar happened as well, but back then, I wasn't that deep into the emotions at all, so I was fine. But this time around, it seems like people really do change and become someone else, someone who "enjoys" the life here because of all that happenings and the new people they meet. Sometimes I wonder, if coming back here would make them forget about the past. Oh wells.

I was talking to a friend earlier, and B mentioned that of course it's easier to treat me as a friend now considering he didn't really get hurt. I guess I wasn't that "important to him" anyways. I would agree. I was hurt from the "deep into the relationship" point of view, of course it'll take me longer to recover.

B also told me before that the fact that I'm still hurting so much until now, how it's still affecting me is because of the my feelings for him is strong, and how much the relationship actually meant to me. But oh wells, what I'm feeling for him doesn't matter now. He doesn't really care anyways. I'm all on my own in this one way street.

~o~

An end is an end.
Free as a bird, no obligations.
Peace out.