Flight was okay, though couldn't really sleep at all because of the wailing baby all night long. I'm near the point of exhaustion, got home cleaned up the house, unpacked most of the stuff except my clothes. Here I am typing again. I really like to get all my thoughts down in words. Part of it is because thoughts are useless if they're not made known. Really don't like them all crowded in my head.
There's been some rather interesting "coincidences" that happened yesterday and today, and I thought maybe I should write about it. I know I've said that I'll get over it on my own, I will be very much better on my own. I will stop thinking about the past and move forward, nothing will hold me back. But as much as I want to stop thinking about him, things around me keep resurfacing on it's own. I didn't even ask for it. =,=
Yesterday morning, was at the bank, doing the usual errands, and then I saw him. I couldn't believe my eyes, a guy who looks and dresses just like him. Rugged jeans, collared (folded up) T-shirt, thick framed black glasses, typical Asian guy hairstyle, spiked to the left from the front, even an earring on his left ear. I only saw him slightly from the side, and the back, and I was just speechless because of the similarities. And then I began to think, that guy's way skinnier though, not as built as he is. I had to really force myself to stop thinking about him for the rest of the day.
Another incident yesterday, during dinner out with my family before heading to the airport, there was a beer poster stucked on the corner of the wall that caught my eye. That poster was rather hidden behind the stacked up chairs, but a word from the poster struck out that made me think of him again. Gosh, what is the universe trying to tell me. I am moving forward on my own, but why does things around me keep bringing him up. The word was actually his name. I know his name is common, considering cat food advertisement here uses it too. But of all names, and signs, why did that hidden poster catch my eye in the first place behind those stacked chairs. When I saw his name on that beer poster, I'd laughed because of all that ironies.
So I thought, fine, what's more to keep him still so fresh in my memories. Boarded the plane back to Auckland, and when I arrived this afternoon, I met a friend who was on the same flight as I was too. A friend whom I was also on the same flight with two years ago. Two years ago, we were greeted at the airport by our special someone when we arrived, someone who matters to us. But circumstances had changed this time for me. I would believe she was still greeted by her special someone and probably his family and him. (Not too sure if I'm assuming things, since I was told I've been assuming a lot of things lately).
Anyways, seeing her at the airport for a bit today really did hit me hard again. It reminded me of that happiness of being able to see someone waiting for you to come back. That wonderful feeling of seeing someone whom you had missed so much, someone who actually mattered so much in your life. The hugs and cuddles that only that special someone can give.
I guess that's something I have to really learn to get used to. There is a lot of people here whom I have tell them that I'm back, but it's a different notification. There is no special someone whom will share my happiness. There is not going to be a special someone who will be the first to know everything. I'm not saying my friends are not special enough, I do hope you would all understand. All my friends are just as important to me, but when there is the other half, he would have to take the cake right.
For now, I shall just learn to resume my life, continuing my life, moving forward, rather than saying "going back to my single life two years ago" (because I think that's just dumb). I will not make the same mistakes, and I don't wish to see people around me to be hurt like that either. I will want to be a new person who has learned how much impact we have on other people, knowing how important people are to us. And I will meet someone who will cherish and treat me well with respect.
When you know you can't have something forever, cherish it and keep it for as long as you can. Difficulties that we face, ups and downs that we experience, it's all part of reminding you of how special it was once, so treasure it.
Another long piece of writing again, I should really go sleep for a bit.
Laters.~o~
No comments:
Post a Comment